I understand if it’s hard to imagine love, intimacy, sex, and connection for older people across the lifespan. Add the prospect of dementia, and that complicates the conversation even further. But if we can’t imagine this life for our elders, if we can’t talk about the possibility of sex and romance between older adults, then we’re denying them lives of dignity and pleasure at a time when they need every positive reason to live.

Many of us were taught not to talk about sex in public, especially when it comes to old people having sex. In my classrooms, I do things differently—because old people do have sex. And if they aren’t having it, many are still thinking about it, longing for it, and desiring some kind of intimacy and connection.

When adults are living in a senior living community, staff need to feel comfortable addressing the issues affecting those in their care. My training offers practical information based on medically accurate research to do just that. When we talk about sex and older adults in an honest way, it’s refreshing and readily applicable to your work the very next day.

I create an environment where learning about delicate issues is done in a frank, humorous, research-based, and compassionate manner.

I include both didactic and activity-based segments. Prior to the class, I meet with management to learn about your unique environment in order to tailor training that is applicable to your work. With adequate time for questions and discussion, participants leave a class better able to cope with a whole range of challenges. (Don’t just take my word for it, check out the testimonials here.)

Clinical, administrative, nursing care support staff, and other professionals who provide direct care to residents and their families.

When I speak to older adults who live in assisted living or other types of senior housing, I often get questions like this:

• Am I normal if I still want sex at my age?

• Why am I attracted to someone younger than me?

• What if I can’t get an erection?
  

These questions remind me that we know very little about the sexual lives of older adults. Most people consider there to be an “expiration date” on sex, and that mindset is negatively affecting the way our seniors are living.

When I speak to elder care professionals at workshops and conferences, I often address physiology, intimacy, cognitive impairment, sexual health, gender identity, sexual orientation, drug interactions, protection, new models of consent, and more.

Many people believe that the most significant challenges to sexuality at an older age are physiological. For women, the inner lining of the vaginal canal may become thin and less lubricated, causing pain with friction. For men, erections may be slow or non-existent. Dementia and other cognitive impairments can drastically alter personality.

Other challenges may be directly related to stigma. A family member may be fearful that their mom’s new boyfriend is out to swindle her even though she seems head over heels in love. An unmarried interracial couple may want to deepen their relationship, but the residents in their building look askance at them when they’re holding hands. A transgender woman may be afraid to be herself because her senior housing facility was bought out by a conservative religious organization.

Lack of information can be another problem. One woman wanted to know how to have sex with her husband when his penis no longer gets erect. She asked, “How do I even begin to think about bringing a sex toy into my bed after 50 years of marriage?” Another woman, who recently lost her husband of 67 years, asked whether she might be able to have a relationship with another woman because of the scarcity of men in her facility.

I offer the latest research and most accessible resources. For painful intercourse, I like to use the term ‘outercourse,’ which refers to sexual behaviors that can create pleasure without penetration. For dementia, we need assessments, consults, and conversations in each senior living community –which means training about sex, boundaries, and consent.